Good afternoon,


     Today I find myself waiting for class to start, beginning drawing at that. I am listening to a record of Beethoven while sitting in a state of limbo. I cannot exactly express to you why I am in such a state but, I know it to be true. I am here waiting for class to start with nothing to do until then. I have cleaned uip my room a tad and am playing Travian. Also, Kassandra... My girlfriend. It is getting to me a bit how little I will have the chance to see her and also how legitimately she shoves down the throat the fact that she will never want to have children. Ever. I respect her decision but, I do not like it and fear it will cause long-term issues if we were to stay together. Not that we are even close to that obstacle as we are still getting to know one another and have to do that as well as learn to live a distance from one another. I have been alone before but, it seems like a whole different challenge when there is someone out there that you care about. Also, it does not change, my constant hornyness. I am fighting urges and primal desires when I am on campus as girls shorts get shorter and shorter as the sun stays out longer.

Other things that plague me are my lack of energy all day and every day for years. It seems when I am preoccupied I have plenty of energy but, any time my mind is astray I realize that I am about as tired as a Snorlax. My joints are in constant discomfort, especially my knees, and I am thinking of changing my posture to alleviate some of the pressure on my knees. Also, I get the tightness in my chest on both sides opposite my sternum. As if my lungs are compressing. Maybe from smoking, maybe it is lung cancer? Gastric build up? I have no idea, all I know is that it is troublesome and I cannot fight the feeling I have had for years that I have a serious medical issue that is effecting my energy level, focus and memory and perhaps it is deadly. I do not know, I just have a feeling. I have been wrong before but, I have no answers. Did drugs make me stupid and unhealthy or is there something deeper? I wish I knew.

My biggest qualm is my production level which I think can tie in directly to my energy level, focus and memory. If I found this out perhaps I would be able to get back on track. We will see but, I have no Idea how to find this out.